Can one ever be conflict-free in their entire life? How should one handle conflict? In this harsh reality, there is nothing like conflict-less. However, it is only through conflicts where one can learn about life, mature in one's thinking and develop good interpersonal skills. I will tell a story about what happen to my friends.
Characters: Mary and Rose
Story: Mary and Rose are two good friends who always plan modules together. There was this semester where they planned to take a language module together. They had planned to take the same tutorial class. However, as Mary suddenly took up a tuition assignment which clashes with the tutorial class's timing, she was forced to change her tutorial timing. Rose only knew of this during her first tutorial. Afterwich, she badmouthed Mary behind her back of her actions, even though Mary was not obliged to tell her.
Things between them became awkward. They rarely contacted each other unlike in the past as Mary was very irritated with Rose's actions. A few weeks later, Rose approached Mary to be her oral partner for the upcoming oral examination. However, Mary was reluctant and refused to partner with her despite Rose's persuasion. It was obvious that Rose desperately wanted to partner with Mary because she felt Mary and her have rapport and would be able to score in the oral examinations. Since then, they have stopped talking totally.
It is very obvious this conflict is all due to miscommunication and some immaturity on Rose's part. As such, friendship between two very good friends shattered at an instance. How would you have handled this conflict if you were Mary?
Hey Cai Jie,
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to note how a trivial incident can lead a downfall of a close relationship.
Since they had planned to take the same tutorial class, Mary could have inform Rose of the tuition assignment she was taking up. I felt that Rose, even though what she did was immatured, felt betrayed by the fact that Mary went back on what both of them had planned.
I feel doing so could have certaintly prevent the communication breakdown that was about to happen.
Mary could also have requested an apology from Rose for her actions. If she had truly treasured the friendship they had, she could have highlighted to Rose that she was upset. I feel that doing so could not only improve their communication, but also strengthen their friendship.
Hey Caijie,
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you that the root of this conflict clearly stemmed from miscommunication.
I feel that Rose could have sought an explanation from Mary regarding her change in tuition timing before jumping to conclusions about her actions. On Mary's part, she could have voiced her unhappiness to Rose instead of keeping it bottled inside. More open communication like this might have led to a very different turn in events.
Another problem, possibly, is a lack of flexibility. Rose wasn't flexible enough to learn on her own in a separate tutorial class; similarly Mary wasn't flexible enough to accept Rose's attempts to perhaps mend their relationship by approaching her to become her partner.
Hopefully some time apart now might lead to some clarity and eventually they can mend their friendship (:
Hey Caijie,
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting scenario that you have describe, It was not surprising though, such a situation happened to be before. And I also found out on the day itself that my friend have swapped his grouping without informing me. It definitely was not a good feeling to be in Rose's shoes.
Firstly, i feel that Mary should have discussed the swopping for her tutorial slot with Rose beforehand and see if Rose is able to do the same as well. That little action would have prevent the conflict from happening. Even if the swop for Rose was not feasible, Mary should have taken the courtesy to inform Rose since they decided to go for the tutorial together.
Secondly, Rose also could have handled the situation in a better way. Instead of harboring bad feeling towards Mary, Rose should have approached Mary and understand her situation and also let Mary be aware of how her actions have caused Rose to feel that way.
In short, having an effective communication to understand one another's point of view is the best way to resolve this form of interpersonal conflicts.
Regards,
Jeremy
Hi Cai Jie,
ReplyDeleteFrom what you have shared, it is clear that there is a lack of communication between Mary and Rose.
If I was Mary, I would ask Rose for the reason behind her hostility towards me before our relationship sour. I would apologize to Rose for not informing her about my change of tutorial slot since we have agreed to have our tutorials together.
I would also express to Rose that I am upset with her actions behind me back and that she should have spoken to me directly instead.
I believe that for the friendship to continue,improved communication is essential. This will be better than leaving most feelings bottled up and unsaid.